Want to know how I lost all this weight? One word, PRANCERCISE

PRANCERCISE!You’ve got to be kidding right? HAHAHAHA this is the BEST video in the whole entire world…. Totally 100% made my day — what’s worse? The moves, or the camel toe???! I don’t know!

But hey, I guess if it works for her, it MUST work for us… right? HAHAHA…

So I’ve been getting a lot of questions from people these days about what I’m doing to lose weight… I wish I could say cocaine – that would be WAY easier HAHAHAHAHA… Just kidding, drugs are bad, mmmmmkay? I’m about to say some stuff that might piss people off, so I preface with a big, I’M SORRY, if I make you mad, but this is just how I feel…. I’ve got some friends, that used to not believe I could actually lose weight, that are now coming back to me being like, omg what did you do, I need to lose 10lbs and FAST…. Tell me what you did… TELLLLLL ME. Well, asshole. First off, thanks for coming to me when you finally see I CAN ACTUALLY LOSE WEIGHT, and thanks for not supporting me when I didn’t want to go party, and I wanted to go to the gym instead… thanks for that, but HEY, let me give you some advice. YOU AREN’T GOING TO LOSE ten pounds fast and keep it off – you just aren’t. And the response… “what do you know? you clearly did….” HAHAHA FUNNY, do you know how long this has taken me?!?!?!??! UGH SOME PEOPLE. Anyways…… Yes, this is how I lost weight…. I workout EVERY DAMN DAY, and I eat healthy…….. SURE, I have cheat days, and I might break the rules a little, but I’m HUMAN, and I don’t want to be miserable while I lose weight…. I cut out gluten and dairy and BOOOOOOOOOOZE, and I lost weight. From friend “I can’t cut out booze”… well then you don’t want to lose the weight do you? Thats the number one answer I get back from people when they ask me what I’ve done… “oh you cut out booze, well I can’t do that” WELL THEN YOU MUST NOT WANT IT BAD ENOUGH. If you can choose booze over weight loss, then those last 10 pounds are just glamour pounds that you want off because you want to look a littttttle bit slimmer for bathing suit season. They aren’t the 100lbs you need to take off to even look decent in a pair of jeans or a tank top. So SHUT UP.

I’m not trying to be a dick – but weight loss takes time, it’s a bitch, and you have to stick with it —- it’s not something that happens overnight… sure, you can take magic diet pills, or shakes or go on some silly cleanse and lose a few pounds, but will that stay off? NO! It will come right back once you are off your magic diet – you are going to get it alllll back. SO why NOT just eat right and workout? When you get to a plateau, let me know, we will work through it – but if you are just looking for a quick fix so you look like a hot sexy chick walking around in your bikini – all I say is cut out the booze, and you will be fine…. but you HAVE to actually do that 🙂 OK LOVE YOU ALL, rant over!

I know its hard for some people to get started – it was hard for me to get started…. but now I’m in a routine and my routine includes a daily trip to the gym, and let me tell you, I’m seriously cranky if I don’t make it —- so if you need a good place to start, here’s a great body weight workout to get you moving – the moves are explained below the graphic.

30-Minute-Advanced-Bodyweight-Workout-
EXERCISE CHEAT SHEET — THE HOW-TO’S

1a. Jump Lunge
Targets: Legs
How to: Take the traditional lunge up a notch. Start with a basic front lunge — but on the way up, explode with enough force to jump a few inches off the ground. Land softly with both legs bent at 90 degrees (and the front knee positioned directly over the ankle). Got the hang of things? Switch legs in mid-air, landing with the other leg in front. Alternate for 10-15 reps on each leg while maintaining a strong core and upright torso.

1b. Clapping Push-Up
Targets: Chest, triceps, core
How to: Ready to get a little hang time? This move starts with a standard push-up, but on the way up, push off of the floor explosively enough that the upper body takes flight. Bring the hands together mid-air for a single clap (or more if you’ve got it like that!), then return to starting position. Aim for 10-15 reps, or however many you can execute with good form.

1c. Single-Leg Glute Bridge
Targets: Glutes, hamstrings, lower back
How to: Start lying on your back with your knees bent and feet flat on the floor, about eight inches from your butt. Bring the right leg into the chest, then raise up into a half bridge position by pushing firmly into the left foot. Repeat for 10-15 reps, then repeat on the other leg. Not challenging enough? Try pulsing at the top (meaning dropping down a quarter rep, then back up a quarter rep before lowering all the way back down).

1d. Side Plank Star
Targets: Obliques, glutes, shoulders
How to: Got those side planks down pat? Time to raise the bar. Starting in a traditional side plank (forearm on the ground and body stiff as a board), lift the top leg straight up while keeping the rest of the body perfectly still. Hold it there for 1-2 seconds, then bring the top leg back down to meet the other leg. For those feeling nice n’ steady, try lifting that leg a few inches higher with each rep. Repeat for 10-15 reps, then switch.

2a. Handstand Push-Up
Targets: Shoulders, chest, core, glutes
How to: To play things safe, Angelilli recommends starting with the basic handstand. Spread those fingers wide, shoulder-width on the ground, about 12 to 18 inches from a sturdy wall. With hands flat like pancakes and pointer fingers parallel to each other, walk the feet as close to the hands as possible, so you’re in a short downward facing dog position. Next, bend one leg, and use it to kick the straight leg up and over your head until it hits the wall. (Be sure to keep those elbows locked!) Once you have the strength and balance to hold steady for two minutes straight, try out sets of 10 mini reps (lowering down 1-2 inches and returning to the starting point) with the feet riding the wall. Once your strength is there, try the full-on handstand push-up — we recommend a spotter for those first few attempts!

2b. Rotating Jump Squat
Targets: Legs, core
How to: The basic bodyweight squat gets some serious hang time with this advanced move. Lower into a traditional squat, back flat with thighs parallel to the ground, and explode off the ground, rotating mid-air 180 degrees counterclockwise. Land softly in a squat, and with no rest in between reps, launch into the next jump, rotating 180 degrees clockwise this time. Be sure to keep the chest up and spine long, using your breath and your abs to help power you through. Repeat for 10-15 reps.

2c. Plank Balance
Targets: Core, shoulders, hip flexors
How to: Starting in a traditional plank position with the back flat and forearms planted securely on the floor, simultaneously lift your left arm and right leg until they are parallel to the ground. Hold for a second (or longer!), then switch, keeping the core tight and hips steady. Aim for 10-30 reps, or, go for time. (Any chance you can sing the Star Spangled Banner while holding tight?)

2d. Pulsing Superman
Targets: Lower back, glutes, core
How to: Ready to channel your inner superhero? Lie on your stomach with the arms and legs pointing to the back wall. Peel your upper body off the mat, and lift the arms and legs, keeping them straight. Next, comes the tricky part: At the very top of the position, pulse the body one inch up then one in down for 10-20 reps. Up the ante even more by making those reps super-slow — just don’t forget to breathe!

Want more? Check out 17 Powerful Bodyweight Exercises for Strength and Speed, or for a more beginner-friendly workout: The 30-Minute, No-Gym Bodyweight Workout.

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