Before I start this post, I want to say that these are my opinions and my opinions only… I never want to offend anyone in this blog, so please, no one take offense.
That being said… I have this friend… hahaha.. she’s BEAUTIFUL and I love her to death… but, she just doesn’t get it. We will go out to a bar and she will get so much attention from guys – and yeah, I have a boyfriend so I’m not looking for that attention, but sometimes it would be nice. When I make a comment about it, or she asks if I’m having fun, my response is always like, “meh, it’s ok”.. because she’s the one getting the attention and I’m just sitting in the dust. Now, normally I don’t care, but recently after about 10 years of this being the case, I’m over it. Not only am I over the fact that no one will approach you if you don’t look like a twig, but I’m over her response of, “oh stop, you aren’t ugly” or “oh stop, we’re having a good time and it doesn’t matter what you look like, you’re beautiful”. F-THAT. It does matter… and I’m sorry, but skinny people, you just don’t get it.
I understand that everyone has their issues, and just because you are skinny, that doesn’t mean you don’t have them. I get it, I know you do. But have you ever felt like you weren’t being talked to in a bar, or in a social setting because you were too big, or you weren’t attractive enough? Doubtful. Have you ever felt like yeah, you might be an amazing with lots of friends who can light up the room with your personality, but you know, at the end of the night, that guy you may have been eyeing all night long won’t ask for your number? Doubtful. Skinny/attractive people don’t get it. They don’t understand what it’s like to be harassed your whole life for being the fat kid, they don’t get why girls that might be overweight look upset at a bar or are less eager to go out….. They don’t get that if you are the one getting all the attention at the bar, that even though you think you are amazing on the inside, you still care what you look like on the outside.
I hate to say it, but guys are shallow. And I don’t know if its society that has made them that way, but I am seriously a sucker for movies, or in real life, when I see a larger girl with a slim, attractive man. That man, he doesn’t care what the girl looks like on the outside, that man loves her for who she is. And unfortunately, there aren’t a lot of guys like that out there.
Being, big, large, fat, (anyway you want to say it) isn’t a curse. We are beautiful that is for sure, and we can certainly be happy with who we are… but deep down I think a lot of us just scream to be skinny… to get that extra attention, to be able to feel, just for one day, what it’s like to walk in a skinny girls shoes. I know I certainly would. I know I would love to know what it feels like to be hit on at a bar because I’m looking good in my skinny jeans and boyfriend blazer. So hopefully, one day, I will be able to do just that.
My last question to you is… if you are skinny, do you ever think to yourself, man I wish I was bigger?
But for now, this song just replays on my iTunes, and I think, big girls, you are beautiful too!
SO… Tonight wasn’t that bad! Or so I thought….
As I was walking into Panera to pick up my salad and mac and cheese for dinner, I couldn’t help but smell the oh so amazing smell of french fries from down the block… yes, my friends… right down the block is none other but the most amazing, and most fattening fast food joint in NOVA… FIVE GUYS!
I thought to myself, well, I could cheat, it’s only my first day…. but then I thought, you know what, I can’t give in this soon – I really can’t… and I turned right back around and walked into Panera…
Instead of having this for dinner…I regrettably had this….FUN FACT OF THE DAY:1 Bacon Cheeseburger from Five Guys is 920 Calories, and 62g’s of Fat.1 Regular Fry is 620 Calories and 30g’s of Fat.Check out their nutritional info here!I would have had to ran 20 miles, and lifted for about 4 hours just to burn that shit off….. Ahhhh, NO THANK YOU!Good night my friends – Day 1 down, only 364 to go.Andrea
I think in any disaster scenario there are warning signs… and this my friends (my weight gain) is a serious disaster….The signs that I should have paid attention to:
Blah – my goal, to not be doing any of these things by the time I am done with this weight loss!
- My long-arm photos are so high up that I actually don’t look fat, I actually look like I have an eating disorder.
- The only thing I wear during the day are stretchy clothes. Jeans? Forget about it.
- Summer is my favorite time of year because I can wear big, high wasted dresses… which ultimately, make me look even bigger than I really am.
- Back to photos, instead of smiling in photos, I make a kissy face like im 14 because this, my friends, makes your face look skinnier. haha
- I only shop at Target for clothes because they carry a very large XL
- Fried food was my best friend
- The barista’s at Starbucks knew I came in everyday for a “Non-Fat, Venti, Iced Carmel Machiato” non-fat my ass.
- When I would fly on the plane, I def took up the whole seat, and felt like a sardine if I had to sit in the middle.
- When I sat in a booth at a restaurant, I would find myself trying to push the table away from me before everyone sat down so I looked like I “fit better” in the booth.
- I drank to look better… meaning, the drunker I got, the less I cared what I looked like.
- I OWN 20 PAIRS OF LEGGINGS.
- My entire wardrobe is BLACK.
- My dogs worked out more than me.
- And last but not least, I weighed more than Juan. (my biggest discomfort)
Well my friend Betsy helped me with this one – I am putting together my shopping list, and she gave me 2 amazing websites to check out for low-fat recipes! Thanks BETSY! 🙂
As much as I don’t want to blame my mom for my weight… I kind of do. HAHA… Well, my mom and my dad… well more my dad then my mom. My mom is SUCH a picky eater, and that’s what I find hardest about losing weight… I really really hate a lot of things… and I don’t like trying new things… and all of the healthy things taste like shit… I really need some good recipes that involve simple ingredients that I can make at home.
Why do I blame my mom you ask? Probably because as a kid I grew up on McDonalds plain hamburgers, steak, potatoes, and fried foods. I love you to death mom, but that’s not the best diet. HAHA. I should have been eating all these fancy dishes that exposed my palette to new things…. HAHA, wait, I did grow up in upstate NY, and if anyone knows the area, it’s basically the steak and potato capital of the world… haha…
Why do I blame my dad? He always used NEGATIVE criticism growing up… not, hey andrea, you might be gaining weight, let’s do this together to work on it… more like ANDREA, you are getting fat. Enough said. Ahhhh, my father, how I love thee. I think that made me just want to stay fat forever… And ps, I know using the word “fat” is bad, but get over it, I use it all the time.
Why do I blame myself? I grew up playing sports, that for sure, but I always used the excuse that I was big boned and I was born this way, to never try and lose any weight… I mean if you look at my sister, she is a twig, (I wish I looked like her when I was 14)… and I know it’s genetics, but I could have worked harder at it, and now I am paying for that… It def is MUCH harder to lose weight at this age than it is at 18. Ahh freshman 30, how you KILLED ME.
So…. it’s time. It’s time to just freaking man up and get on this sone of a bitch diet. I have always been the type of girl who is like, oh I love myself, no matter how big I am —- I mean on a serious note, it really isn’t what you look like that makes you an amazing person, it’s the inside… and I KNOW I have an awesome personality (duh.) but now it’s time for a change…I was in my best friends wedding this weekend, something I have done many times before, but this one was different… I was instantly surrounded by amazingly skinny, gorgeous girls, and I DEF stood out. I was over it… I don’t want to stand out anymore… I mean I couldn’t even fit in a cute dress… THEN, we stopped by NYC on Sunday on our way home to visit Val for a hot minute, and of course we watched her wedding video, and BAM, there I was, jumping around (having a good time of course) but my freaking fat ass was bobbing up and down, up and down… ugh, talk about watching something that makes you want to start a coke habit to lose weight…. hahaha… These two events really pushed me over the edge… like I said, it’s not that I’m unhappy, I just think I would be happier if I felt better about how I looked!!I’ve tried everything in the past, from Atkins, to Weight Watchers, Nutrisystem (wicked expensive), Diet-to-Go, Southbeach, Alli, Hydroxycut (man did that turn me into a freaking nutcase)… you name it, I’ve tried it… and did it work? FUCK NO. I’m still fat. So this time, I’m taking it slow… I really get discouraged when I look in the mirror and don’t see a change… but I need to remember, it takes TIME, and in the past I never wanted to give it time, I wanted to be skinny overnight. This time, I am going slow, eating right, working out, and blogging about it. Because I need someone to vent to, and I know Juan hates it when I bitch and complain hahaha…I decided last night that today was the day. And just like every other time I decided that “tomorrow’s the day”, I had my last meal…. hahahaha – or I mean last feast. Juan knew exactly where to take me… my favorite resturant for a nice fattening meal… OUTBACK STEAKHOUSE! What did I eat do you ask?Well, let me just go ahead and show you…. It was a seriously awesome meal…
First, the awesome bread, with butter of course…. thennnnn Coconut Shrimp with salt, THEN, salad with ranch dressing (that i apparently didn’t get a pic of) and for the main course, a 9oz sirloin with their aussie cheese fries (cheese and bacon on top of them with ranch for dipping sauce) and then top it all off with a cinnamon oblivion for desert! AHHH it was amazing….. and writing this post makes me want all of this food again… damn IT!The meal was amazing, but I knew, come 7am on Tuesday morning, this food would be food I wouldn’t be eating till I got to at least 170 pounds… then I will have a celebratory meal, but for now, bye bye fattening food!Did I mention I am also cutting back on the booze?? I know, ME?!?!? cut back on the booze? Ahhhh… it sucks, but I have to do it.. but you know what that means? I’ll be a cheap date when all is said and done here in a year hahaha! 🙂So today… I woke up, had my awesome bowl of Cheerio’s, headed off to an hour long spin class at Balans Studio, came home, ate my wicked awesome breakfast sandwich and had a cup of coffee and I’m already dying…. I’m def in super bitch mode, so just in case I seem bitchy to anyone of you today, that’s why 🙂 BLAH, this is going to suck, but hopefully, it will pay off………..TA-TA FOR NOW!Andrea….
I go from being able to have all the above, to having this sandwhich and this list of things to eat below! FML.YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD BE AWESOME FOR THIS DIET?!?! IF MY FUCKING ROOMMATE DIDN’T COOK FOOD THAT SMELT SO GOD DAMN DELICIOUS! DAY ONE SUCKS
- Tuesday, Sept 6th –
- Bowl of Cheerios with 1% milk
- Turkey, Cheese, Egg sandwhich on a Weight Watchers Muffin
- Cup of Coffee
- 1 hour of spin class