So I know that I just said that this detox was easy and I love it and all this shit —- well UGH, I do, but I’m craving some serious unhealthy food. Last night, these were the thoughts going through my head (i made a picture for you guys)

    From left to right, I was dying for some chocolate chip cookies, buffalo chicken pizza, apple pie, this amazing pumpkin pie that Juan’s sister makes, cheese fries from outback, ugh a spicy chicken sandwich from chick-fil-a, donuts donuts donuts, just BREAD in general, mac and cheese, then back to some pepperoni pizza, then go kill some chicken nuggets with honey from McDeeeez, buffalo chicken dip, A MILLION pumpkin spiced lattes, brownie sundae, fries from chick-fil-a because there the best, then go up to philly and get a cheese steak WIT WIZ, then kill a few bacon egg and cheeses on bagels, grab some bon chon wings, maybe throw in a healthy chicken caesar wrap from Sweet Green, and top it all off with some chicken parm……

    UGH – Kill me now, if I could kill at least ONE of those things right now I would be happy… but hey, NO PAIN NO GAIN. I want to be skinny and I can’t be skinny by eating all this SHIT.

    But, thinking of this food made me look up some healthified recipes for some of these things…  So in the next upcoming blog posts, you will see a plethora or awesome recipes for some of your most sinful treats.

    Ok, gotta go eat some GOD DAMN FRUIT.

  • 2 weeks down, 2 to go.

    So, it’s been TWO WHOLE WEEKS since I’ve been on this detox…. let me tell you – I feel amazing… I really do – This weekend I went on a serious drinking binge with my cousins in NYC and then at the Giants game, and I don’t know how I did it with only like 4 hours of sleep, but I made it, and I made it like a champ. I wasn’t tired at all – and I KNOW if I wasn’t on this diet, I would have felt like shit and probably wouldn’t have even made it to the Giants game on Sunday….

    I was so worried going into this weekend – I got to the city on Friday before Sam got out of work… I was like well shit, what am I going to do? I guess there isn’t anything to do but drink… so, that’s what I did. I went to the bar around the corner of their building (The Mason Jar) and started in on my Vodka and Waters (which will now be called, VODS AND WADS). Waiting for Sam, I only had 2, but as I sat there waiting for her, I thought, well shit…. what am I going to do all weekend about eating? I knew that Sam has basically told me that there was no way I was going to be able to stay on this detox while in NYC… with the bagels, the pizza, all the other delicious street treats… But thankfully, Sam was awesome and totally catered to my needs… For dinner on Friday night, along with the Vods and Wads that we were drinking, she made this amazing stir-fry dish with chicken, quinoa, and veggies… it was amazing, and it totally filled me up and was detox approved.. 🙂 Thankfully Friday night was chill, and all we did was sit on the couch, drink vods and wads and watch Jersey Shore! 🙂

    RECIPE FOR the dinner that Sam cooked on Friday night:

    1 cup quinoa
    2 chicken breasts diced

    Garlic powder to taste
    Pepper to taste
    1 small red onion, chopped
    2 carrots, thinly sliced
    2 cups steamed broccoli florets (I buy the ones that you can just steam in a bag)
    2 cups snow peas
    1/4 cup teriyaki sauce (the lower sodium kind)
    Bake chicken seasoned with garlic powder and pepper in oven at 350 degrees for 35-40 minutes. Cook quinoa as directed on the box. Meanwhile, spray a large pot with cooking spray and add carrots and onions. After about 5 minutes, add snow peas, broccoli and teriyaki sauce. Cover and cook for another 5-10 minutes, stirring every couple minutes. Dice chicken into bite size pieces and add to the veggie mix. You can either mix in the quinoa at this point (that’s how I did it for us) or take a scoop of quinoa and put it on a plate and then top with the veggie/chicken mixture. Add more garlic/pepper/teriyaki to taste.

    Saturday was the tough day…. Jon woke up and the first thing he did when he woke up was went and grabbed a dozen bagels… Now, anyone that has been to NYC knows that their bagels are the best…. THE BEST. (don’t event try to fight me on that, I will win). And do you know whats even better than NYC bagels? NYC bacon egg and cheese’s on bagels hahaha…. Anyways, Jon rolls in with bagels and cream cheese, Sam looks at me and says, your having one. There’s no way around it, you can’t NOT have one… and I thought back to when Mia said it was ok to have a cheat day once a week…. so I said fine, ONE bagel but with peanut butter (for protein) instead of cream cheese. LET ME TELL YOU, that bagel was amazing, and that my friends, was the only, yes the ONLY time I cheated these whole 14 days…. But, at the time, I didn’t think that was going to be a true statement. I thought to myself, there is no way I am going to go out tonight, not get drunk and not want a slice of NYC pizza… but whatever.

    So during the day we went around and shopped, got a Jamba Juice, love love love and got back to the apartment to get ready to go to dinner and go out. Thankfully Jon and Sam had picked this awesome spot called Wine 30 for dinner… I had chicken and roasted potatoes for dinner, detox approved, and we indulged in some amazing wine… Now this was 7pm – we probably had our first drink around 6. The night was filled with beer pong, shots, wine, everything you could think of, we had it. I was wasted….. and guess what? I had to be up at 7:30am the next morning to get my ass to Jersey to meet up with Val and Rog and crew for the Giants game…. When my head finally hit the pillow at 3am, I thought, I am sooo sooo SO FUCKED.

    7:30am on Sunday. Wake up, feel a little woozy, maybe a little drunk still, but I thought I would be much worse… Got in the car, ate one of my awesome already cooked chicken breasts that was sitting in Sams kitchen, and headed up to the game. 9:30am I cracked my first beer…. hahaha

    Now, one would think, omg she must be exhausted… How did she do it – she probably only had about one beer… nope, shit I probably had about 10 – I totally surprised myself… I didn’t even feel tired! In fact, I didn’t even go to bed till like 11pm that night! If you ask me how I did it, I will say this detox. HAHAHA…. Even at the tailgate – I stuck to my guns and only had chicken and a hamburger without the buns and some pop chips — even INSIDE the stadium when we went to get hot dogs – I just got peanuts… I was so proud of myself. But the more I thought about it, the more I knew that if I wasn’t on this detox, that Sunday would have sucked and I would have been miserable.

    I have honestly been living off of, chicken, veggies, fruits, smoothies, quinoa, and sweet potatoes and thats really it for the past 2 weeks…. I never thought I could do it – but I did! 🙂

    I have been up and down, but honestly, I feel 1,000,000 times better, and I don’t want to ever feel the way I did before…

    OH AND THE GIANTS WON. Yeah, we are awesome.

    Ok, that’s it for my weekend wrap-up –

  • Recipe Time!

    Well, I know I can’t eat them for the next 3 weeks – but I found this AH-MAHZING recipe for Asiago, Potato, and Bacon Gratin…. I love me some potatoes, and I love them even more when there not as bad for you!

    Ok here we goooooo:

    What you’ll need:

    • 1 1/2 pounds peeled Yukon gold potatoes, cut into 1/4-inch-thick slices
    • 1 teaspoon salt, divided 
    • Cooking spray 
    • 2 tablespoons minced shallots 
    • 1/4 cup all-purpose flour 
    • 2 cups 1% low-fat milk, divided 3/4 cup 
    • (3 ounces) grated Asiago cheese 
    • 1/4 cup chopped fresh chives 
    • 1/4 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
    •  4 bacon slices, cooked and crumbled 
    • 1/4 cup (1 ounce) grated fresh Parmesan cheese 

    What’s NEXT:
    Preheat oven to 350°. Place potatoes in a large saucepan; cover with water. Bring to a boil. Reduce heat; simmer 5 minutes or until potatoes are almost tender. Drain. Sprinkle potatoes evenly with 1/4 teaspoon salt; set aside and keep warm. Heat a medium saucepan coated with cooking spray over medium heat. Add shallots; cook 2 minutes or until tender, stirring frequently. Lightly spoon flour into a dry measuring cup; level with a knife. Sprinkle flour over shallots. Gradually add 1/2 cup milk, stirring with a whisk until well blended. Gradually add remaining 1 1/2 cups milk, stirring with a whisk. Cook over medium heat 9 minutes or until thick, stirring frequently. Remove from heat; stir in 3/4 teaspoon salt, Asiago, chives, pepper, and bacon. Arrange half of potato slices in an 8-inch square baking dish coated with cooking spray. Pour half of cheese sauce over potato slices. Top with remaining potato slices and cheese sauce; sprinkle with Parmesan. Bake at 350° for 35 minutes or until cheese is bubbly and lightly browned.

    There you have it – then EAT… probably with steak 🙂

    Not to shabby for the amazing taste! Try it out!
  • I think they made this post for me….

    I’m starting a new thing… EAT THIS NOT THAT – have you guys seen those books? They tell you what is good and what’s not good to eat haha — they have a ton, Eat this, not that – Cook This, Not that – The Restaurant Survival Guide… there awesome…

    When I was on the website this morning I saw this one:

    10 Ways to Eat Healthily at the Steak House
    I swear they made this post for me… One because I am going to a steak house for dinner tonight with Steph (Mon Ami Gabi) and Second, because you can’t spell Steak without Andrea. hahahaha…..

    From the article I found this kind of awesome:
    “A plate of steak house fries or hash browns will likely add 500 calories to your beef entree, and a large baked potato has nearly 300 calories before factoring in toppings. That means mashed is the way to go, since even a huge scoop rarely tops the 250-calorie mark.”
    Awesome – see, mashed potatoes aren’t SOOOOO bad for you. haha

    “Sirloin: This is probably the leanest cut you’ll find on the menu, and aside from filet mignon, it’s the only one you can eat without blasting past 500 calories. Just be sure to cap your serving at 9 ounces.” 
    Perfect… I love a mean lean, sirloin or filet!

    So next time your out at a steak house —- pay for the sirlion or the filet because it helps out when trying to keep your hot figure – and then grab some smashed potatoes… better than baked! 🙂

    To read this article more in depth – visit it here:

    Time to go make some steak,

  • PS.

    Oh, I meant to write this – Why should bigger people be punished for being big??? I feel like we should be able to look just as cute as you skinny people — maybe ill start my own clothing line – hmmm maybe I’m on to something 🙂

  • Fat Kids Clothes.

    When you are a size 18 it’s really REALLY hard to find cute clothes to wear…. I honestly think I have so many clothes because I get something that I think is going to be cute, and then I wear it once, and I hate it. I just really hate what I look like – if I could look cute in hoodies and sweat pants, I would rock that all DAY every DAY. But I’m a girl, and I can’t do that to myself…

    Where do I shop then? And what do I look for? Well – take for example, clothes that are baggy — right now, thank god, at Old Navy big flowy tops are in style.. This is the current outfit I’m rocking: (don’t mind my messy room or my sports bra haha)

    I love these tops from Old Navy – They are cute and flowy and don’t hug my curves: http://oldnavy.gap.com/browse/product.do?cid=72302&vid=1&pid=864259&scid=864259032

    and this one –
    http://oldnavy.gap.com/browse/product.do?cid=72302&vid=1&pid=885835&scid=885835002 but I’m rocking this in green –

    THEN, you will never guess, but my jeans are actually Jeggings from Target HAHAHA – talk about fat kid pants.. but I love them — they are super comfy and make me feel good about myself 🙂

    My friends always ask me why I wear like a million undershirts too – Listen, I know it looks corny, but dude, when you have fat, it jiggles, and the more undershirts, the less jiggle hahaha – i hope one day i will get to the point where I won’t need to wear spanx or undershirts, but for now, if I have 5 undershirts on, don’t judge, just know I’m trying to reduce the jiggle… HAHA.

    Ok, so as for more fat kid clothes – I usually rock anywhere that will sell size 18, xxl, or stretchy things! That means, Old Navy, Target, Gap, Dress Barn, or even Lane Bryant… I feel like Lane caters to older larger people – but sometimes they have some cute stuff –

    The biggest problem I have is trying to find high boots that fit over my awesome calf muscles… I mean I was blessed with muscles and I don’t feel like I should be punished for that, but unfortunately, going into DSW and trying to find some larger width boots isn’t working out — I usually go again, for stretchy boots like Uggs, but then again, I’m not going to rock Uggs out to a club in NYC.. I want some hot sexy boots that I can fit over my skinny jeans — SOMEONE HELP!!!!!

    I just want to one day, not have to limit myself to shopping in only a few stores.. I want to be able to go ANYWHERE and pick out something — I cannot wait till I’m at least a size 10 so I can do that… 🙂

    Ok, now I have to go shopping,

  • Get me into bed…..

    Haha – here is my round-up of the first 5 days on this detox —-

    Wanna know the quickest way to get me into bed at 9pm???… Guys take note…. THIS DETOX… Fuck my life… On day ONE I’m pretty sure I was texting, crying, holding my head all around 9pm from my BED!…. First… Let’s discuss what this detox is taking OUT of my diet…

    Here is the email from Mia (my super awesome diet/running/workout friend who is doing this detox with me…)

    So basically, I am cutting EVERYTHING out of my diet except meats, veggies and fruits… which I’m totally cool with – if I could eat steak for breakfast lunch and dinner everyday, I would be the happiest girl alive… but right now, I’m not.

    Day One: 
    What I ate – 
    1 Scrambled Egg
    2 Pieces of turkey bacon
    Big salad with cucumbers, green peppers, carrots, and some italian dressing and grilled chicken
    Almonds for a snack
    Banana for another snack
    And a Small Filet with 1/4th of a Sweet potato and broccoli for dinner… 

    How did I feel after day one, after not having my 4 cups of coffee or having a PSL from Starbucks? HORRIBLE. I died… Like I said, in bed by 9pm crying my eyes out like a big freaking baby… But guess what, the next day, I woke up, (still with a horrible headache) but felt like a million bucks. I had more energy, and I just felt better about myself… That only lasted about 5 hours till the next headache decided to kick-in hahaha but for those 5 hours I felt like a million bucks…

    I know you are asking, what about working out? Well, I don’t know about you, but when my head is pounding out of my skull, the last thing I want to do is work out…. so right now, I am working on getting the food part of this detox down, then I’ll go run a marathon…. so be patient. This is hard enough as it is people!

    Day Two: I basically ate the same thing — see when you are a picky eater, it’s really hard to do something like this – I shopped in Wegmans for about 3 hours reading labels, trying to figure out what I can and cannot eat, what I actually like, and then ultimately only buying like 6 meals… so it was back to Wegmans to try and figure out a few more foods to grab… OH! I had a smoothie on day two… hahaha – wow, talk about trying something new!

    Day Three: 
    This was the hardest… I woke up, and it was an AMAZING crisp fall morning – and every little bit of me wanted to get out of bed and run to starbucks and pick up a nice hot chai tea latte… There’s just something about that white cup in your hand on a nice fall morning that makes you feel so much better about your day… but for me, my hopes and dreams were killed… this detox is still going on and it’s only day 3. FML.

    Day Four: 
    When I said that 3 was the hardest, I was wrong… 4 was… Only because my dick neighbor decided, LET’S HAVE A PARTY…. oh but wait… a party??? Yes… you know I’m always in for a good party… but I’M ON THIS FUCKING DETOX! What do I do??? Well, you work with it… hahahahaha – Vodka and V8 Fruit Juice Fusion! 🙂 Hey, I’m getting my daily serving of fruits and veggies while drinking —- why not… hahaha… I am actually super proud of myself… while people were scarfing down hotdogs, drinking beers, eating chips – I had my vodka, and my chicken breast, and I was good to go – Sara asked me today if I had cheated yet, and thankfully I can say no, besides this little binge I had on Saturday…. Which made Sunday HORRIBLE.

    Day Five: 
    I think I’m glad I was hungover, it made for a good day to not really eat much. hahaha… We went out to breakfast, and I had an egg, with turkey sausage and fruit, and I could barely keep that down… So eating for the rest of the day wasn’t really an issue….

    Day Six: 
    Today… today… today…. Well I woke up and had a smoothie, but it’s really hard to focus on the computer today – my eyes are all buggy and my head hurts… I think my body is finally telling me that it’s time to eat some carbs.. but I WON’T – I’m sticking to my guns… I’m not doing it — NOPE. NOT DOING IT. We will see how today goes, but it should be ok —

    As for my progress – I hate the scale, so I’m going to say I have probably lost about 6 pounds (give or take) hahahahaha thats just me taking a guess on how I feel – so I could be totally wrong… but I will say, I have more energy and I just feel better about myself… I love food, but I love feeling this way so much better…..

    Ok, I need to write some more posts –

  • This fall, do you want to be a mermaid or a whale?

    I saw this on FB this morning – thought I would share… as I’m answering mermaid and starting my detox today… UGH KILL ME. 


    A while back, at the entrance of a gym, there was a picture of a very thin and beautiful woman. The caption was “This summer, do you want to be a mermaid or a whale?”

    The story goes, a woman (of clothing size unknown) answered the following way:

    “Dear people, whales are always surrounded by friends (dolphins, seals, curious humans), they are sexually active and raise their children with great tenderness.
    They entertain like crazy with dolphins and eat lots of prawns. They swim all day and travel to fantastic places like Patagonia, the Barents Sea or the coral reefs of Polynesia.
    They sing incredibly well and sometimes even are on cds. They are impressive and dearly loved animals, which everyone defend and admires.

    Mermaids do not exist.

    But if they existed, they would line up to see a psychologist because of a problem of split personality: woman or fish?
    They would have no sex life and could not bear children.
    Yes, they would be lovely, but lonely and sad.
    And, who wants a girl that smells like fish by his side?

    Without a doubt, I’d rather be a whale.

    At a time when the media tells us that only thin is beautiful, I prefer to eat ice cream with my kids, to have dinner with my husband, to eat and drink and have fun with my friends.

    We women, we gain weight because we accumulate so much wisdom and knowledge that there isn’t enough space in our heads, and it spreads all over our bodies.

    We are not fat, we are greatly cultivated.

    Every time I see my curves in the mirror, I tell myself: “How amazing am I ?! “

    (The girl on the picture is French model Tara Lynn)
     — with Teresa Myers.

  • Another edition of, Double-Fisted Diet Wreckers!!!

    Thanks WebMD for another amazing email telling me this morning that the fast food breakfast meals that I know and LOVE are the worst things for you…. I travel A LOT and most of the trips I take start off with a stop at McDonalds, or Dunkin or Starbucks depending on my mood… NOW I know where I should and shouldn’t eat, and what I should be getting instead of my usual favorites…

    The article starts out with this statement…

    Breakfast on the Go?
    While high-fat, high-calorie breakfasts abound at the nation’s fast-food restaurants, most chains offer at least one or two healthier items — if you must fill up at a drive-through. Cruise our photo gallery of the worst offenders and better choices to fuel your day. WebMD doesn’t endorse these “better bets” for everyone, since some still may be too high in sodium or calories for your diet.

    Starbucks: Worst Choice (thank god I don’t like this shit. hahaha)
    The Cranberry Orange Scone is one of several high-fat, sugary treats at Starbucks that probably won’t keep you full until lunch, despite a hefty calorie count. Indulgences like this icing-topped scone vary in flavorings by restaurant, but any scone is a buttery affair. This one contains 490 calories, 18 g fat, 2 g fiber, and 8 g protein. Note that the saturated fat — 9 grams — is 45% of the daily limit.

    Starbucks: Better Choice (isn’t my first choice, I love the Reduced Fat Turkey Bacon sandwich, which is just as healthy as this wrap below)
    The Egg White, Spinach, and Feta Wrap caters nicely to health-conscious commuters in a hurry. It’s easy to eat out of hand and contains just 280 calories, 10 g fat, and 3.5 g of saturated fat. Ample protein (18 g) and fiber (6 g) help keep you full. Oatmeal with a Nut Medley Topping is another good choice at 240 calories. Or try the Greek Yogurt Honey Parfait with 290 calories.

    Dunkin’ Donuts: Worst Choices (I’m sure the Bacon Egg and Cheese is just as bad :(, is it better if it’s on a bagel?!?!) 

    Stay away from the high fat Sausage Egg and Cheese Croissant (690 calories, 48 g fat, 19 g saturated fat, 1,340 mg sodium), as well as the Sausage Egg and Cheese Bagel (690 calories, 35 g fat, 13 g saturated fat, and 1,650 mg sodium). 
    Dunkin’ Donuts: Better Bets (skip the meat??? BOOOOO)
    The Egg and Cheese on an English Muffin  sandwich comes in at 320 calories, 15 g fat, 5 g saturated fat, 14 g protein, 1 g fiber, and 820 mg of sodium. The protein will help will keep you going strong through the morning. Choose a wheat bagel to bump up the fiber to 5 grams.

    McDonald’s: Worst Choice (boo, I love myself a BIG BREAKFAST… I can do without the hot cakes, but still, this is seriously fattening) 
    Take a pass on McDonald’s Big Breakfast with Hot Cakes. It’ll weigh you down with 1,090 calories, 56 g fat, and 19 g saturated fat — close to the daily limit for this unhealthy fat. Even the biscuit is loaded with saturated fat, topping even the sausage patty or eggs. The sodium hits 2,150 mg, nearly the daily limit.
    McDonald’s: Better Bet (I can deal.)
    The Egg McMuffin is a better choice under the golden arches at 300 calories, 12 g fat, 5 g saturated fat, and 2 g fiber. Lean Canadian bacon offers protein and a meaty taste with very little fat. In any restaurant, ask for the nutrition information. Items with some fiber and protein will keep you satisfied for hours.  Sodium watchers take note: the Egg McMuffin has 820 mg.


    And last but not least, my serious guilty pleasure that makes me basically go into cardiac arrest every time I eat it, and not to mention I feel like a large blob of sludge and I don’t really move much the day I eat the thing…..

    Burger King: Worst Choice (my favorite, but ditch the sausage, add MORE BACON!)
    Skip the Double Croissan’wich with Double Sausage, which comes in at 700 calories, 49 g fat, 18 g saturated fat, and 1,510 mg sodium. Burger King stacks two sausage patties, double cheese, and fried eggs on a giant buttery croissant bun. This high-calorie, high-fat sandwich contains almost a day’s worth of total fat, saturated fat, and cholesterol.

    Burger King: Better Bet (again, no meat?? suck it.)
    The Egg and Cheese Croissan’wich offers fast-food taste at a nutritional cost that many people can afford: 320 calories, 16 g fat, and 7 g of saturated fat. The sodium content may be a tough fit for restricted diets at 690 mg. Eleven grams of protein will help keep you feeling full until lunch.

    Basically, IN CONCLUSION, if you want something for breakfast, you are better off eating this…. 
    One egg and one piece of wheat bread. KILL ME. 
    Happy Breakfast Hunting!
    FAT KID OUT (maybe to burger king for a Double Croissan’wich ;))
  • Instead of blogging I went out and drank beer and ate French fries on a Tuesday

    So, after over I don’t know what, almost 2 weeks of not blogging, and my friends actually telling me I need to keep it up, here we go, I am blogging. And guess what – I DON’T WANT TO BE BLOGGING RIGHT NOW. I just got home from drinking beers with my friends and eating french fries (I’ll explain later) and the last thing I want to do is blog. I want to lay my fat ass in bed and SLEEP! So guess what… that’s what I’m going to do… and this blog is dedicated to my cousin, who I love, Sam Kern… she told me she needs something to read on her way to work in the morning… so SAM, this is for you, read this and know I love you, I love you enough to tell you how much I don’t want to blog. XOXOX

    Sleep Tight –
    Fat Kid OUT!