I often ask myself, so, if it’s so hard for me to get skinny, why can celebrities do it so fast? Then I think about it for a second… and I realize, that, well no shit, they are RICH. And they have nothing TO DO ALL DAY! So naturally, what would YOU do if you were RICH and had NOTHING TO DO ALL DAY?? AHhhhh yes… the secret to all our diet problems.. work out ALL DAY and have a personal healthy chef cook all our meals… IT’S JUST THAT SIMPLE.
Right, so instead of Weight Watchers, or Nutraslim, why isn’t there the CelebSlim plan? Where you basically get a ridiculous amount of money, quit your job for 6 months, and drop weight! I would totally sign up for that plan. Let’s face it, it’s not fair. Yet another reason why celebs suck. Everything is always easier for them. Hmmph. I don’t think my job would like it much if I said, hey, I can’t work for the next 4 weeks because I need to workout 10 hours a day and have every meal prepped for me. Don’t think that’s going to fly.
Sure, I could have such an amazing transformation like J-Hud if I had the access to the funds, personal trainers and chefs that she does, but that will never happen (unless I win the lotto, my fingers are always crossed).
I did a little before and after of myself too, and I would totally look like a hot model too if I could workout like that. I’m pretty sure I would look exactly like Joanna Krupp.
So why can’t it be that easy? I was reading up on some of the “celeb diets” and this is what I learned.
1) Some celebs have had complexes since they were 9 and put themselves on weight watchers and never got off it. Well shit, at 9, I didn’t love my body, but McDonalds was my favorite restaurant, and let’s face it, I wanted to be a kid.
2) Olivia Munn does kickboxing like 4 times a day… I can do it once a day, so I guess times how many months it takes me to drop 10 pounds by 4 and I can get that skinny, THAT FAST! Just so simple.
3) SOME celebs have to bulk UP and gain weight, oh what I would give to be one of those… Gwyneth Paltrow ate fried chicken for like a month just to gain weight for Country Strong… well, I wouldn’t have a problem doing that, and in fact, fried chicken sounds good right about now… mmmmm with some mashed potatoes… mmmmm… yeah ok, on to the next one before I run to the closest KFC and stuff my face.
4) Elizabeth Hurley starves herself! She eats one meal a day…. well, no shit, you get skinny like that, right off the bat, but girllllll even I know that starving yourself isn’t good. Right now I’m on a 1200 calorie diet, and even though it’s enough food, if I eat ANY LESS then that, my body goes into starvation mode, and it’s not good for you. A healthy weight loss, to lose the weight and keep it off is 1 – 1 1/2 pounds a week. The diets that say, YOU CAN LOSE 30 POUNDS IN 30 DAYS!!! NO freaking way… and if you can, it’s probably not the healthy way, and you should be careful.
5) CLEANSES DON’T WORK. Especially the ones where you only drink lemon juice and cayane pepper! Yeah, you will drop it, and drop it fast, but the minute you add anything back into your body, like eating a slice of bread, you will gain it all back! just don’t do it. OK?!
6) THIS IS THE WAY YOU DO IT. Padma from Top Chef, she gains about 15 pounds each season from Top Chef, just from eating all the amazing foods, and I’m sure, all the travel, etc. But guess what, when the show is over, she doesn’t crash diet, she adds more veggies into her meals, and more spices (the more spicy your food is, usually, the less you will eat…) and works out like a normal human being, once a day… and she drops those LBs and they stay off… DO THIS PEOPLE! haha
Ok well now that I’m done bitching about the fact that I wish I was a GAZILLIONARE so I could workout 1000 hours a day and have a chef, I hope you learned something here… we aren’t GAZILLIONARE’s, (not yet at least, and if one of you are, can I be your new best friend?!?!) so just eat right, workout regularly, and you will see results! BOOOOYA!
Love you guys long time for reading my horrid blog!